Jokes

TWO DIFFICULT THINGS TO ACHIEVE: 26 September,2011

TWO DIFFICULT THINGS TO ACHIEVE:

1. To plant your ideas in someone else's head.

2. To put someone else's money in your own pocket.

 The one who succesds in the first is called a TEACHER.

The one who succeeds in the second is called a BUSINESSMAN.

The one who succeeds in both is called a WIFE.

The one who fails in both is called a HUSBAND.

Rain or Shine

Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.

So what's so great about that?

It's snowing outside!

God and the Man

A man visits God and says "God, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"

God says "No, ask me anything at all."

So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time, so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"

God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."

The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you, how much is a million dollars?"

God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."

The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me five cents please?"

God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son. Just wait five minutes!"

How Many Rabbits?

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again.

If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?

Paddy: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Paddy: Seven! Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?

Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

Twins

TEACHER : Good, what's the plural of mouse?

Pupil : Mice !

TEACHER : Good, now what's the plural of baby ?

Pupil : Twins ! 

 

Penguin

A truck driver was driving 100 penguins to the New York Zoo when his truck broke down on the freeway. The driver got out of the cab and was looking at the engine when a second truck driver stopped in front of him and asked if he needed any help. The penguins' driver explained that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asked if the other man would take the penguins there. He agreed. Some hours later, the second truck driver drove past the first one, who was still waiting on the freeway for help to come. The penguins, however, were still on the truck! "I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the first driver. The second replied, "I did, but I had some money left, so we're going to the cinema now."

Two Balloons (present tense version)

Two balloons are floating across the desert.

One balloon says to the other:

"Look out for the cactussssssssssss!"

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